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We have taken some photos of "Mean Machine". They represent actual movie quality.

• Worth renting!!!!!!!! posted on 03 Jul 2009

  This is one of the funniest films I have seen in a long while. Anyone a fan of "Snatch" or "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" will love it! The humor, the music, the acting and the soccer scenes make for great fun. I loved the commentary between the two Bob's during the match!

• Not that funny or interesting but distracting enough nonsense to appeal to slightly drunk male football fans posted on 29 Jun 2009

  Danny Meehan is a former football star and former captain of England at the top level. However when a drunken binge leads to an assault on some police officers, Danny finds himself in prison where the welcome is less than, well, welcoming. Struggling to fit in and threatened by guards and prisoners alike, Danny accepts the offer from the gambling warden to stage a football match between the prisoners and the officers. However with few willing to stand up with Danny (and against the screws), things look like they will be near impossible.One of a couple of remakes of The Longest Yard, this film goes for a straight remake but with a UK setting. Despite it occasionally having a serious edge to it, this is mostly a film about laddish jokes, banter and sports. It could have had interesting subtexts about corruption, the impact of sport on society or the corrupting nature of power/authority but instead it just goes for the lowest denominator every chance it gets. In this way it marks out its territory and its target audience and never really aspires to much beyond this. It is a shame really because it is clearly trying serious things but they just come off as clunky and not developed properly. The effect of this is that it regularly knocks the wind out of the fun aspect that only occasionally gets up a good head of steam.The cast do the best they can regardless and, in fairness, they do OK. Jones is pretty convincing in most scenes and only struggles when he is called upon to convey emotion or carry the serious stuff. Blackwood is good value in a silly role. Statham nicely sends up his martial arts personae well. The rest of the cast are so-so and fit in with the general so-so level the film is working on but you do have to wonder why Sally Phillips bothered to show up for such a pointless character.Overall a basic sports comedy. It isn't very funny, doesn't have much of interest and it isn't much cop. At the time I was shattered and just looking for something brainless to fill a bit of down time – on that level it worked for me, but only just.

• I thought it was good posted on 22 May 2009

  Well, for starters, it's not the best movie in the world. Blimey, it's not even the best to come out of England. But it was a good flick. Vinnie Jones puts on an excellent performance that, while slow at times, really makes for a good movie. The superb cast help Vinnie to pull this one off. Stephen Walters deserves more than a fleeting glance at his name come the end of the movie. His performance made the movie enjoyable, even if he is "the bad guy." He just put so much emotion into the character that it couldn't be anything less than good. And Jason Statham as Monk... you have to love the guy. Jason Statham has lately become a favorite actor of mine. His performance as monk added a level of delight to the movie that I haven't seen in a long time. The quick edits along with the music changes... Brilliant! My hat goes off to the entire cast of this flick. It's a great time... even if it seems like it might not be at first, and a few poor edits and scenes that I would have cut aside, I'd recommend it to anyone who feels up to it.By the by, This refers to the Original UK cut found on the region 1 DVD

• Absolutely awful posted on 20 Apr 2009

  I can't believe some of the reviews in here. Are you guys kidding me? This film is utter bollocks on every level. Bad acting, diabolical script, stereotypical characters and truly embarrassing editing. All of it's bad. And predictable. Corrupt warden? Check. Inside gangster pulling all the strings? Check. Handyman to get you what you need? Check. Slimy prisoner tipping off guards? Check. Badass guard who beats the prisoners? Check. Unpopular new prisoner who rises to become a hero? Check. CLICHED CRAP.2/10

• hi posted on 21 Mar 2009

  The film is great, character are great and story line also!Favorite character the monk! legend!Best bit when they score the winning goal and the guards stand up for the prisoners!I prefer it mean machine to longest yard, even thought that was a great film too. It also had the funny aspect as well!i was wondering if anyone could help me, i really want to know what the song is called which is being played at the end when Danny passes the ball to billy the limpet and he scores the winning goal! please can u help! thanks!

• "THE LONGEST YARD" W/SOCCER HOOLIGANS INSTEAD posted on 13 Feb 2009

  MEAN MACHINE (2002) ** Vinnie Jones, David Hemmings, David Kelly, Jason Statham, Jason Flemying. Pointless British remake of "The Longest Yard" with real-life former football star Jones in the Burt Reynolds role of a recently inducted member of a prison run by the unscrupulous Hemmings whose curriculum includes a nasty grudge match between the criminals and the guards. A few chuckles interspersed amidst the brutal teeth clattering on-field violence largely thanks to Jones' co-stars from Guy Ritchie's flicks, Statham as a psychotic goalie and Flemying as a phlegmatic color commentator con. (Dir: Barry Skolnick)

• Boom boom!! posted on 29 Nov 2008

  Hi,This film has little if anything to recommend it, and even the football sequences could have been jazzed up a bit. Only Jason Statham's turn as the crazy keeper is of any interest.Without doubt however the only scenes which are truly funny are those in which the boom mike appears!! Never have I seen the boom mike appear in so many scenes. At one point as this furry boom hovered over Jone's head it looked like he was practicsing his heading ability with an old tennis ball!!How on earth can this not have been spotted before the film was released???

• great! posted on 30 Oct 2008

  I thought the movie was great! I think it must be a remake of the movie "The Longest Yard" only instead of football it was soccer (or rather it was football as its called in the UK). I liked the story and the humour was fantastic. I just loved Monk, played by Jason Statham. In the movie he's referred to as "the Scot that even the Scots are afraid of". If you liked the Longest Yard, you would definitely like the Mean Machine. And if you like soccer, it's a must to see.

• Disappointing posted on 12 Sep 2008

  My friend got me all hyped up about this movie, saying it's funnier than "Snatch" and "LSTSB", but my verdict is somewhat different. After the first hour or so,(which is almost on the line of pathetic) the movie takes a turn and actually gives some very funny moments, more or less all of them including the munk(that scene with the heavy metal music is hilarious). But as for the rest of the movie(excluding that guy who spat everytime he opened his mouth) it's one of those quickly made cheap B-class flicks that usually end up on Blockbuster shelves, untouched. But since there are some "fancy" names involved and the Brits love football this movie has apparently become infamous and well known.
  It's not that bad, but considering who was involved in it, it's a disappointment. 6/10

• Bloody Good Movie... posted on 31 Aug 2008

  This is a classic football film. The concept for the movie has been done several times before, but I enjoyed the approach they took for this one. A lot of good actors contributed for a good overall performance. I'm a particular fan of Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham. A lot of these same actors appeared in Lock Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels and Snatch. They give the movie a good feel and they all work well together. A must see

• have you ever played with a flat football? posted on 19 Aug 2008

  Remember watching the world cup as a kid? Afterwards you get together with your mates and kick a flat football around the park. In your mind you are the greatest, you raise your little rubberband arms in glory...Watching you is your bored mother, seeing the kids pretend at being great. That's how watching this movie is.I am a big fan of British film, and was determined to enjoy. But the editing, the shakey plot, and the dreadful cliches, combined to consign this movie to the 'made for T.V.' bucket.To be fair, there were some great performances, and Vinnie Jones, despite some critics sniping, has shown that he can hold the lead role with ease and style. The film was manufactured, and contrived, and while enjoyable to brit-film fans, it has not the character or innovation to compare to other British releases.While for an hour we saved the nation in the world cup, our mothers and the other mature people, chatted about serious things, and then dumped us in the bath before dinner.

• Very nice football flick posted on 08 Mar 2008

  Mean Machine is a surprisingly good film about a jailed former football-star who trains a bunch of convicts to play a match against the sadistic prison guards. It also has a 'gangster-film' thing for it, with a jailed Mafia-boss and a gambling- addicted warden. Americans will probably don't like it , as it's probably a bit too high a level for most of them and most Americans don't like football very much.(Yes, football, not soccer. Our football existed before yours, y'know!) A lot of actors from 'Snatch' , which is a good thing. Very good acting by, among others, Vinnie Jones, Jason Statham and Robbie Gee. I rate it an A-

• Easy to watch posted on 06 Mar 2008

  This movie is about ex-football star Danny Meehan who ends up in prison for three years.There he gets offer to lead a football team of prisoners.He excepts that offer and he meets his new friends and team mates.This movie is nothing special and I liked scenes from prison more then on a football field.I think that those scenes on pitch could have been better.I liked actors and you can really see some very good British actors like Vinnie Jones,David Kelly and Jason Statham.My favorite character is Monk and Statham did an excellent job in portraying this guy.He has to be crazy because he killed people but also he's got a huge heart and he helped the team.I love movies about football because it's my favorite game so I watched this one and I didn't regret.A fine movie.What I didn't like is that actually we love prisoners more then guards in this movie.We are cheering for people who are murderers and thieves.This side of movie is not well made because most of the people don't get to jail for being innocent.I can't say that this is a bad movie cause it isn't but some things in plot should be re-done.But I liked the movie and I can recommend it for everyone who knows what is football.Excellent soundtrack with few great songs.

• Carbon Copy Can't Be Bad posted on 19 Feb 2008

  The Longest Yard is a classic Robert Aldrich movie of the 70s. A brutal, funny American Football movie that I have enjoyed everytime I viewed it. So a remake set in England and swopping to football (British style) was more of a curiosity. And a pleasant surprise.Although an almost carbon copy of the original, the film seems more like a homage than a remake, and it makes a change for the Brits to remake a Hollywood classic, and not the other way around.Vinnie Jones, in his first lead role, proves that he's more than an ex football star himself, and actually can act. But once again Jason Statham walks away with the movie, as madman Monk.Very funny in places, quite violent, but it passes the time and is very entertaining. And it makes a change to see football being filmed in an interesting way. Could have been worse...it could have been Escape To Victory 2.

• Vinnie Jones' best work so far posted on 26 Jan 2008

  This is the one where Vinnie escapes stereotype...well, almost. But at least Jason Stratham's character "the Monk is even crazier. Haven't seen Longest Yard since I was a kid, so I don't remember the details. But I do know that I've never felt as good about a sports movie as this one. Loads of fun!

• One of the few films to successfully link humour with football, Statham is superb. posted on 10 Jul 2007

  Did take a while to get going but turned out to be a very funny film. Those of you who walk into the Cinema comparing it to Snatch and Lock Stock will automatically be disappointed as it fails to live up to those classics (despite having half the cast). As far as humour goes, it does beat Snatch but not Lock Stock. It's by far the most lines Guy Ritchie has given Vinnie Jones in a film, and at times it does seem to centre around him. However some superb acting from Jason Statham playing monk (a fellow lunatic Scotsman) help take the limelight from VinnieIf you like football and you like Guy Ritchie's sense of humour (and his casting from previous films) then you should go and see this film.Scott*10/1/02

• Should I stay for half-time, or leave before traffic gets bad? posted on 08 Jul 2007

  "Mean Machine" was a crisp, "thud"-packed film that didn't fight with clichés, but instead gave us an action-comedy that only the British can conquer. While most will complain that this film doesn't do justice to the original, I must ask if Sandler's did either? "The Longest Yard" wasn't a groundbreaking piece of cinema, and to see a British team remake the film, it is almost like a smile on our American faces. How often does that happen? So, without seeing much of the other two films, I went into "Mean Machine" with a clean slate, and enjoyed every moment of it. This was a fresh film, commercial in every since of the word, but fresh for what we decided to remake and slaughter.I hate sports films. With this film I thought I would watch and return, without giving it a second thought. I thought it would be another cliché moment of the underdogs beating out at the last moment without anyone skipping a beat and winning the female lead at the end. We have all seen these before, and it is the cliché ride that most sports films seem to fall. While "Mean Machine" was similar in nature, what lead to those final moments was really what transformed this film to above average. Vinnie Jones is tolerable. Actually, he is better in this film and shows more range with "Mean Machine" than I have seen him grapple in years. Sure, he was fun in the Guy Ritchie films, but it was fun to see him play the lead this time, while Jason Statham played the muscle. I loved, and in fact love his body of work, David Kelly. He was phenomenal as the older mentor in this film. What made "Mean Machine" stand out was the cast, the trouble I had with Sandler's film was that everyone was fighting to get the best joke in, everyone wanted to be in a scene with Sandler or Rock, but in this one, everyone had their own voice and logic. There were actual characters in this film, ones that stood beyond themselves and created the world we were viewing. With any sports film, there is that inconsistency that could transform the film into a very flat picture. That was never the case here. Jones and his crew gave us direction from point A to point B without missing a beat. Doc, Burton, Massive, Monk, Ratchett, and Sykes brought the prison alive and made us root for a game we have nearly disregarded in America.The weakest part of this film had to be the story. While the characters gave the story a voice as well as characters to root for, there was just something lacking with the story. It was strong, much stronger than most sports films of the same nature, but there was just that level of punch missing that you would expect from any typical British film. The direction may have had something to do with it, but not completely. I can't put my finger on the issue, and I think it has to do with the ability to recycle films – there is always something missing from each carbon copy. I need to see the original, but alone, "Mean Machine" was directed eagerly, but lacked the depth in the story. I wanted to see Danny's downfall in the beginning, I wanted to know more about him prior to his jail time, the idea of him fixing games seemed minimal in the overall scope of what Danny had to do with playing the guards. I needed that knowledge of whom he was and the struggles that he was facing. Sure, it wasn't meant to be this grand bio-pic, but something (as short as it was needed) had to be there. Maybe I am pulling at straws, but as I look at this picture as a whole, it was a stand-alone film that prided laughs (intelligent ones) as well as hard hitting action, but it needed something more. I could watch this film again, and I would go through the motions, but something was missing. It was like having the best piece of pie in the county, but realizing later that a scoop of ice cream would have been nice as a side. Unknown director Barry Skolnick places this film together well, but I feel as if he could have done more. I didn't need another "Lock, Stock", but I needed something that grabbed me further into.Will I buy this film? Yep, I think I will just because I loathe the 20-minutes of the Sandler version and prefer to give others a taste of what decent remakes are like, but I cannot say that it is the best film watched. My review seems scattered at best, and as I read through it again, I don't think I have quite the grasp on this film as I hoped. I liked it, not loved it, and I could watch it again, but not too often. Bubbles have more consistency than I do with "Mean Machine". Maybe it was Charlie Fletcher's screenplay, but honestly I think I am just grabbing at air. I think what could have toppled me with this film would have been some special features. Something to show me how it was made, an audio commentary to give me a voice for the director, something that would have made me look deeper into this film. "Mean Machine" isn't bland, but I needed a better flavor.Overall, I liked it. I am growing tired of this review and think it will throw others off the trail of this invitingly fresh film, so I am going to stop. I think everyone should watch this. Sure, it doesn't have the bathroom humor of Sandler's version, but it does provide the Brits an opportunity to demonstrate that their "football" is just as exciting as ours.Grade: *** out of *****

• my second favorite soccer film posted on 22 Jun 2007

  for those that are fans of Guy Ritchie's films, this movie is fun to watch to see the actors come together in these roles. jason statham is a gem and should be put in more roles, for he truly is psychotic in this great but brief role.

• Amazing!!!! posted on 07 Apr 2007

  This movie IS funnier than Snatch, if you are the kind of person that likes to enjoy true cinema, without unnecessary digital enhancing effects, a clean and original story line, then this movie is for you.This is actually a remake from another movie, the difference is that this time the its a real Football (the original version American football). The main character first came to public notice as a professional footballer, playing in the English Football League. Noted as one of soccer's hard men, he leap to fame when a photographer at a match snapped him "marking" Newcastle United's Paul Gascoigne by grabbing his testicles, so he knows the sport, does relate to his real life and I actually like him as an actor. His character in snatch, Lock stock and two smoking barrels, and other great movies,on the same style where great too! Don't miss the opportunity to watch a great flick!!!!

• Loved it...and I'm not even a soccer fan! posted on 10 Mar 2007

  Eh, this movie is amazing...People we're posting that only the soccer skills involved made the movie...well, maybe a tad predictable, but it's hilarious...and not just stupid comedy, some classic comedy aswell...I reccomend this to ANYONE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOUR!